You and that person you’re comparing yourself to, are moving at completely different paces, in completely different directions. And you should stop comparing yourself to him. It’s a trap.
Let me take a step back first.
I was in Los Angeles a couple weeks ago watching my friend’s band perform. After they performed, we were hanging out at the bar, and we just so happen to end up bumping into our old band instructor from middle school. Crazy right? We hadn’t seen the guy since we were 14.
We’re all super excited to see each other, and we end up talking for quite some time. Somehow we get on the subject of life, and where we’re all headed and what we’re all doing. It came up that me and my friend both felt that we were a step behind some of our peers in certain areas in life.
Our band director sat down his drink and looked at us. He was about to say something that would blow my mind.
We all move at different pace in life
As we’re growing up, we get conditioned to seeing everyone move at the same pace.
We all go to kindergarten together, then we all move to first grade together. We’re all on the same linear path, pretty much doing the same thing.
We all have the same goal really, which is to get to the next grade. We get used to seeing the same people, doing the same thing as us, at the same exact time.
But then, you finish high school, and everything changes. Everyone shoots off into different directions. People start moving at different paces. And more importantly, people have radically different goals.
Some people go into the army, some people go to college, some people don’t really go anywhere. Some people start a family, some people get jobs, some people travel to Mexico as a missionary for their church. These are all of the things I’m seeing people around me doing.
And it’s easy to start thinking, “Man, she’s doing waaaaaay more than I am right now,” or, “Jeez, he’s accomplished soooo much more than me.”
But the point is this. We’re not moving at the same pace anymore. Each of us has a unique path. Each of us has unique obstacles, unique challenges, and unique resources.
And your path won’t be the same as everyone else’s. Even though that’s what your used to.
Stop comparing yourself to others, and realize that we all move at different paces. We all have different situations, live different lives, and we all have different goals. Just because you see someone who looks like their achieving more than you, it doesn’t mean that you’re doing something wrong.
You don’t know their story. You don’t know what they’ve done to get to where they are. You don’t know what they’ve sacrificed, You don’t know what resources they have at their disposal. You just don’t know. We’re not the same anymore.
You’re comparing yourself to others, and you’re losing
There’s this concept called ranking, I went in to detail about it in this podcast episode, so I won’t spend a lot of time on it here. But the basic idea is that your self-esteem relies heavily on the quality and quantity of your relationships. And if, in all of your relationships, or even just some of them, you spend most of your time ranking yourself and comparing yourself to others, your self-esteem is going to be affected.
If you compare yourself and you feel that you’re “better,” then your self-esteem goes up. But if you compare yourself and you feel that the other person is “better,” then your self-esteem goes down. It’s a slippery slope, so the best thing to do is just avoid comparing yourself all together.
Don’t let your self-esteem be based on things you can’t control.
YOU, are your best competition
It’s better to compare your present self, to your past self.
Instead of sizing yourself up against other people, compare yourself, to yourself. Take a look at where you were yesterday, and where you are today and compare the progression. This is a healthier, more motivating, and less damaging comparison.
Life is a competition, that’s true. You do have to compete. But the best opponent is yourself.
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Author: Tony Robinson
Tony J. Robinson is the founder of DoReallyGood.com, which is the place to go for the information and inspiration necessary to take your life’s most important goals and make them a reality. You can pick up a free copy of his eBook, “Goal Domination: The 5 Step Game Plan to Setting and Dominating Your Goals” by clicking here.
