As kids, we grew up watching movies that portray love as a magical phenomenon that happens to all of us. We dreamt of the days when our prince (or princess) charming appeared from out of nowhere to love you ‘till the end of time. Life would be full of happiness, maybe you’ll raise a family, and hopefully, you’ll grow old together.
Unfortunately, though, most of us have had to deal with the pain of having our heart ripped to shreds by the one we trusted and loved with everything we had to give. Betrayal and loss can cause an intense hurt that makes it hard to open up to love and trust again.
It doesn’t seem fair that real life doesn’t follow the same rules as our favourite love stories, but you must hold on to hope. You were able to open your heart to love, and you will be able to again. But first, it’s important to work on healing your pain so that you don’t sabotage your future relationships.
1. Take a break from dating and allow yourself to process the pain
The first step in healing your pain is to allow yourself to feel it. Don’t push it away and try to ignore it like nothing ever happened. To ease the pain, you have to give yourself the time to grieve your loss.
If you don’t allow yourself to process the pain and move forward, then it will cause issues when you’re trying to trust someone new. Don’t start dating new people too quickly after a break-up just because you’re lonely, make sure that you are ready to open your heart again.
2. Keep yourself mentally and physically active
Take a walk and observe nature. Look for things that remind you of how you feel inside. Some days you might relate to a dried out brittle leaf on the road, but others you might feel more like a beautiful flower. Breathe in the fresh air and allow yourself to be part of the world again. We are all children of this earth and nature has a unique way of rebuilding our spirit when we feel broken.
If you are the artistic type, bring along your sketch pad and do quick sketches of the natural beauty you see that you relate to from within. If you’re a writer, bring your journal and jot down the things that catch your eye and inspire you.
3. Get out of the house
Sometimes when people deal with heartbreak, they start feeling depressed and don’t leave their house or get dressed for the day. Make an effort to go out, even if it’s just for a cup of coffee or a quick glass of wine. You can invite a friend or just go by yourself. Sometimes, even if you’re alone, just sitting in a cafe with other people around can help ease the pain and help you feel more connected to the world around you.
4. Find a way to help out in your community
Volunteer to help out somewhere like your local soup kitchen, a women’s shelter or the humane society. Helping others in need is rewarding in many different ways because it adds new positive experiences back into your life. It builds a sense of purpose and pride when you help make life better for others that may be facing even rougher times than you are.
5. Learn from the past
It may be painful, but before you can move forward, you have to examine your past relationship and learn to identify the traits of people you should not trust. Did they break promises often and string you along with no intention of moving forward to live a life together? Perhaps they kept their phones on silent and would never open it in your view. Maybe they kept secrets from you and went out with other people behind your back while you were together.
Face the harsh realities of what happened and allow yourself to acknowledge it and move on. It’s not your fault that your ex-was a manipulative narcissist, it’s just who they are. Take note of the traits, and you will know what red flags to watch out for in future relationships.
6. Invest in yourself
Spoil yourself because you’re worth it! Go out and get your hair or nails done professionally. Buy yourself that new dress you’ve had your eye on for a while. Treat yourself kindly during your grieving period because it will help build your confidence and self-esteem. Remember that you are worthy of all the best things this world has to offer. Give yourself the freedom to enjoy the things that make you feel happy. Most of all treat yourself with the love you deserve.
7. When you’re ready, move on
If you’ve met someone new that you’re interested in, and they seem like someone you could fall in love with, give them a chance. Just be sure that you aren’t harbouring the pain from your past relationship so that you don’t punish them for the ways you were hurt before. Communicate openly with this new person but don’t drag out all the horrific details of your broken heart.
You can explain that you haven’t dated much since your last relationship and that you want to take things slow to begin with. Most likely they have also had their heart broken in the past and will understand completely. They may even feel the same way you do.
Good luck to all of our readers who are dealing with the pain of a broken heart. I know how bad it hurts at first but just take it slowly. Let your heart heal and move forward because all things get better with time.
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Author: Bethany Vincent
Bethany Vincent is a writer from La Grange Kentucky who has loved playing with words since she first learned to speak. She lives with her teenage son and adopted dog daughter in a cute, yellow house with a picket fence. During college at the University of Louisville, she could be found at the writing centre most of the time and her main areas of focus were literature, creative writing, and visual arts. Bethany has contributed articles and created content for many websites and blogs during her writing career. In her free time, she enjoys gardening, juggle-dancing, yoga, photography, cooking and singing along with her favourite songs while in the car driving. In the future, she plans to finish writing her first book and hopes to travel to all the beautiful places that she’s read about.
