Dealing with painful emotions
When we feel painful emotions, we can look for others for support or advice. This can help us move through the areas in our life, we are struggling with. It is an invaluable gift to have trusted friends—that we can turn to in our hour of need—who will listen in the right way or say just the right thing.
The problem arises when the exact support we are looking for, may not always be available. Even the most well-meaning, most emotionally aware friends may not know exactly what to say to us, in our time of need. It can be liberating to realise that we actually have all the answers we are searching for inside ourselves.
Recently, I was having a problem letting go of something from my past. One of my dearest friends, supported me in the very best way he knew how, with great love and kindness. I however did not find this helpful. I was looking for some type of guarantee from him, that before I let go of an old issue, everything would be all right in the future. Of course this was an unreasonable request as he (or anyone) could not predict or control the future. I still felt the emotional pain, after I had confided in him.
I then settled into a moment of stillness. I received the insight, that I needed to let go of the past and have faith about the future, trusting that my intuition would keep me safe. It is common that rather than living in faith — feeling safe and protected by our intuition, we can instead hold on to fear, worry and doubt. This has the effect of manifesting our fears and blocking our desires from flowing into our life.
Others may not know exactly, what it is we need to hear, when we are in pain, however we do. We can always choose to be still and be guided by our wise, kind voice, rather than being plagued by fear, which creates our suffering. We will know when we hear the “right” advice for ourselves as instead of feeling pain, we will feel peaceful inside. We have a knowing that we are on the right path.
To live in peace:
1. Still your mind when feeling emotional pain.
2. Tap into your intuition and respect it knows exactly what is right for you.
3. Listen to what your intuition is telling you.
4. Act on what your intuition it is telling you.
5. Speak your truth guided by your intuition.
6. Believe in yourself. No matter what the past, it is possible to be a fully functioning, happy and contented adult.
Permission to have a great life
Sometimes we can be consciously or unconsciously, waiting for someone to give us permission, to go ahead and have a great life. Just as we may have formally needed an adult’s consent to do things. The wonderful news is that we do not need anyone else’s permission to have a great life, we just have to allow ourselves to live in this way. Any time, anywhere, we can always tell ourselves, that we are capable, worthy and ready to live a loving life, beyond fear.
You do not even need anyone to believe in you — you just have to believe in you. It can be common to look for a parental type figure to comfort us, when actually we can be very effective in giving ourselves the exact tailor made comfort we need.
When we are able to go beyond needing other people, to be, or say things to make us happy it takes pressure off everyone. When we are able to re-parent ourselves, it can be liberating. To comfort ourselves when we are experiencing emotional pain (not to be confused with getting support from family, friends or professionals when we need it, particularly if feelings are very strong) can be as simple stilling our mind and asking ourselves: “What do I want to hear or need to know right now?”
This technique is like finding the calm in the eye of the storm. Stillness is where you will find peace and serenity—no criticism, judgement pain, fear, stress, anxiety or depression—love, only love. From this place we can see the world as it really is, be the person we really want to be—strong, stable, kind and compassionate.
A meaningful friend, may not know that we need to hear that: “the past is the past”. Some childhoods may have been disempowering, however it is entirely possible to live as a fully functioning, empowered adult. It is possible to be strong and wise and create the wonderful life we were born to live.
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Author: Deborah Fairfull
Deborah Fairfull brings to people simple, practical and powerful ideas to enhance their every day lives. She has written the books and eCourses: Bliss Every Day, Love Now and Glow while you Grow. She is a trained kinesiologist with a background in counselling and psychology, and is passionate about sharing the skills to make our lives easier in understanding ourselves, our relationships and in parenting. To help us to engage in life in a way that allows us to feel fulfilled and content.
