We have all been in a place where we wanted a positive change in our relationships. Maybe you want improvement in your current relationships, or maybe you want fresh new relationships. Whatever the case may be, the key to positive relationship change is within you.
The first order of business is coming to terms with self-defeating beliefs. Sometimes you are aware of these beliefs and sometimes they remain below the surface. Here are some some common self-defeating beliefs along with suggested remedies:
1. It’s the other person’s fault; I’ve done nothing wrong
This line of thought is probably the most common self-defeating belief. While it may be a true statement, thinking this way keeps you stuck in a “victim” mentality. In order to get “unstuck”, you will need to move past this and take responsibility for your relationship outcomes. Note that the word “responsibility” does not imply “blame”. It just means that going forward; you have decided that you will be positively influencing your relationship outcomes.
Note that nothing that I have said above condones any abusive behavior in a relationship. No one should stay in a dangerous or abusive situation.
2. The other person needs to change in order for me to be happy
Another common belief. You may feel stuck in a perpetual cycle of feeling unhappy when a person reverts to behaviors that you find undesirable. This time you need to take responsibility for your happiness. Take your power back and choose happiness when their behavior regresses. It will take practice and focus. It will probably totally surprise the other person when you are successful in this practice.
3. These relationship problems have been going on so long; things will never change
The time is now and now is the time. Things can and will change when you make changes on the inside. You must have faith and move forward decisively.
4. I don’t deserve a better relationship, or I’m just not worthy.
These types of beliefs indicate a lack of understanding of your worth and value to the Universe. The Universe does not make mistakes; if you were not of value you would not exist in the first place. Take back the sense of worthiness that you deserve to have.
5. I just can’t trust people
Maybe you have been hurt in the past. May you picked up a mistrustful attitude from others when you were young. Maybe you don’t even trust yourself. If you exhibit this lack of trust, you will notice more situations in life that tend to confirm your mistrustful perceptions of others.
The solution is to ease up on expectations of others (and yourself) and to focus on the good in people. As you do this more and more, your relationships and life experience will change dramatically.
These five limiting beliefs are some of the more common ones. If you encounter others, realize that they, too, can be overcome.
When you encounter a limiting belief, don’t beat yourself up over it. Treat the limiting belief with love and respect, and realize that it has served a purpose until now. Release it gently and confidently move forward.
Practice gratitude and appreciation
After you get in touch with any limiting beliefs, the next step is to cultivate an attitude of gratitude for all of your current relationships. Yes, even those relationships that are not always enjoyable. You can always find something to appreciate about everyone. If you can’t, then make something up. By looking for the good in everyone you are setting yourself up for more positive relationship experiences.
The gratitude step is important. If you are skeptical, try it for a few days and see the results. You can even start a journal about the good things you see in other people, in order to accelerate the process.
Cut down on complaining, gossiping and criticizing
An attitude of gratitude is not compatible with a state of complaining or griping. When I refer to complaining, I don’t mean discussing a situation with someone that can take action to fix it. I am referring to complaining pointlessly. You know the difference.
Gossiping and criticizing lower your energy level, and should be avoided if possible. Now none of us is perfect, but if you consciously try to avoid these behaviors, you will raise your energy level, and your relationships will improve.
When you get upset, look for better feeling thoughts
Sometimes, if you are feeling depressed or powerless, getting a little angry will help you feel some relief. Maybe you can’t feel blissful and passionate at the moment, but you can still look for those thoughts that feel a little bit better that where you are at the moment. This way you can work your way up to a better feeling state of mind.
If you are feeling frustrated with a relationship, ask yourself what you want from a relationship, in general
Expressing what you want from a relationship takes some thought. Express your relationship desires in general terms. For instance, you may want more freedom, or you may want companionship or both.
Once you have a picture of what you want a relationship to be, dwell on it and bask in it. Feel free to daydream. Think about it as if it was in present time for you. You can say to yourself “Wouldn’t it be nice if … ?”. You can imagine either improved current relationships or new relationships.
Only take critical action from a place of alignment with your inner being
Don’t begin or end relationships when you are feeling less than the whole of who you are. How do you get into alignment? Meditation or doing something that puts you in a good state of mind is a start. You will know that you are in alignment when you are experiencing good feeling emotions like happiness and bliss. Strong negative emotion is a sign that you are not ready to take decisive action.
Don’t take this all so seriously
Life is meant to be fun and joyful. Take a lighthearted approach to all of this. So many people get wadded up in a ball of seriousness. Be playful in your life and your relationships. So go and have fun with this.
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Author: John Baylor
I am the founder of Attraction Matters. Personally, I’ve seen the law of attraction working in my own life as I’ve been able to release limiting beliefs and hold my alignment. There are definite correlations between my sustained alignment and good things showing up.
