Have you ever felt like you’re a little different?
In a world full of sexualised creative industries, deliberate eye candy on our TV screens and so much focus on sex appeal, have you ever felt like you don’t understand the fuss?
If so, many people would categorise you as asexual and be done with it.
But then, perhaps, your feelings have been contradicted. You’ve felt an immense attraction to someone you’ve grown close to. It came out of the blue, and you found it strange since you don’t often form these kinds of attachments.
So, what does this mean?
If these descriptions tick a lot of boxes, you could be demisexual.
While demisexuals do experience sexual attraction – unlike asexuals – it doesn’t tend to form until after a strong connection has been established with someone.
But this is just a general description.
What does it really mean to be demisexual, and what are the signs that you could be?
1. Friendship comes before romance
You’re not into the idea of casual dating or blind dates.
You’d much preferably form a friendship with someone first, and then later, an attraction may develop between you and the other.
You would never rush into a relationship for the sake of it, and you don’t actively seek a relationship until you’ve at least laid some groundwork.
2. Sex isn’t always sexy
Some people can be turned on only by seeing someone in skimpy underwear, but it doesn’t necessarily do anything for you.
You just crave sex with someone that you’ve made an emotional connection with. This means things have to be pretty serious before you enjoy fooling around.
3. Cuddles come before pretty much anything
Just because you don’t want sex right away, it doesn’t mean you don’t like physical contact.
You love nothing more than to be in bed with your partner, curled up against one another and enjoying the company of someone you love.
You get the same kind of kick from a long cuddle as you would from a steamy make-out session.
4. One night won’t do it for you
You can’t imagine ever having a one-night stand.
You would never want to sleep with somebody you barely know, and the idea puts you on edge.
Even if you knew the person well, you wouldn’t want to sleep with them unless you were committed to one another, taking one-night stands pretty much off the table.
5. Love over lust
You may find a person attractive, but that wouldn’t be enough to convince you to sleep with them.
You understand that other people are happy to explore physical desires without involving emotion, but you can’t separate the two.
You know that for the physical side of you to kick in, you first need to experience the love.
6. Your friends don’t make much sense to you
You get that not everybody feels the way you do, and that’s fine.
However, sometimes you find it difficult to understand the viewpoint of others on sex. While your friends talk about the people they hooked up with, you’re daydreaming about strong love and an intimacy you believe can only be achieved when love is present.
7. You don’t have a high libido
Sex is good. You enjoy it.
But you could go much longer than most without a tumble under the sheets.
You’re happy to take part, but you know that other things will always be more important to you.
8. A good personality beats good looks any day
While someone good looking is still appealing, if you had to choose between personality and looks, a fascinating character will always win out.
You care more about how they make you feel than what you see on the outside.
9. For you, it’s not a casual affair
Crushes don’t occur for you.
When you fall for someone, it’s the real deal.
This can be difficult for you, mainly if the person has no idea how you feel. It’s not as easy as admitting a crush, and it means your heart can be easily broken.
10. Commitment doesn’t scare you
While talking about feelings and relationships has some people running for the hills, you’re not afraid to commit to someone.
When you fall for someone, you fall hard, and you have no intention of holding back on your emotions.
11. You love good conversationalists
Someone who can talk for hours on exciting topics paves the way straight to your heart.
Conversation helps build a relationship between two people, and you believe it’s more efficient than diving into a physical attachment.
You find this way of connecting to be pure and exciting.
12. Flirting feels alien to you
You never really flirt until you get to know a person very well, and you’re a little bit creeped out when someone starts flirting seconds after meeting you.
You save your romantic charms for a time where it really matters.
13. Adult films don’t entice you
Watching two people get it on doesn’t feel great for you.
You don’t have an emotional connection with them, they have zero relationships with each other, and all in all, you don’t understand the point.
Being demisexual is more common than you might think, and while many people might not understand, being demisexual is not a setback!
In fact, with long-lasting friendships and strong relationships built on the foundations of healthy connections, you can’t go wrong!
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Author: Hayley Anderton
Hayley Anderton is a Creative Writing graduate from Liverpool. She’s a freelance writer and the self-published novelist of the LGBT YA book, Double Bluff. She doesn’t go anywhere without a notepad and has been writing ever since she can remember. Her other interests include baking, talking about politics and feminism, and snuggling up with her cat. She has dreams of travelling the world with her best friends, and of being a well-known author someday.
