Relationships are a fact of life. Most of us will have them already and, unless we’re really lucky and find our soul mate right away, most of us will also experience the heartbreak that can go along with a relationship when it goes wrong or ends. One problem that many people have is feeling insecure in a relationship, and the clinginess that often results from this can sometimes drive a partner away, even though they might love you and feel as though you are completely right for them. It can also create negative emotions such as jealousy, which will encourage you to treat your partner in a less than deserving way, and put a strain on your whole relationship. If you know that you often feel insecure in your own relationships, then this article is perfect for you, as taking the time to get to work on your insecurity really can help to strengthen your relationship for the future. So, take a look at the tips below and see if you can make your relationship more secure:
1. Don’t let your past spoil your future
It’s really easy to let your old relationships taint new ones, especially if you were treated badly or unfairly by your previous partner. But, you need to remember that not everybody is the same. The one who treated you badly clearly wasn’t right for you, or deserving of you, and that is why your relationship ended. Your new partner may be much better suited to you, and may be more understanding of your own individual needs. So, although you can definitely learn lessons from your relationships of the past, you should try to never put too much weight on them – because you made them a part of your past, rather than your present, for a very good reason.
2. Never try to assume what somebody is thinking
When you’re in a relationship, you may find that you have a habit of analysing everything that is said and done, to try and find out what it means for the future of your relationship. However, this is never a good idea, because you don’t know what your partner truly feels about something unless you ask them. For example, if they are being quiet one weekend, you may assume that they don’t want to talk to you, or that they’re thinking about somebody else that they would rather be spending their time with. The truth is more likely to be that they’re tired after a long day, or that they have a stressful week coming up at work that they’re thinking about, and that’s why they’re not in the mood for fun and games. But if you simply let your mind do the work, rather than talking through the way that you both feel, you may find that your thoughts, and therefore your insecurities, are made a lot worse.
Talking to your partner is absolutely key, and by making sure that they know that they can talk to you whenever they need you, you’re ensuring that your relationship will be open and honest, rather than based on assumptions and worries that you never feel as though you can talk about.
3. Don’t make your relationship your entire world
When you start a new relationship, it can be tempting to spend all of your time with your new partner. You may feel as though the two of you get on well, with all of the same interests, likes and dislikes, but if you don’t do anything else with your time, you may begin to find that your relationship becomes your everything, leaving you no more room for the things that you enjoyed before you and your partner got together. Other than anything else, doing separate things is great, because it gives the two of you something to talk about. If you do everything together, it can be difficult to make conversation – because each of you already knows everything about the other’s day. So, go out separately, see your friends and families, and remember that however important your relationship might be, everything else is important in your life, too. It is much easier to be laid back in a relationship when you don’t have the constant thought that your partner is all that you have.
4. Be positive, and don’t focus on the negative things
If you’re already the type of person who feels insecure in situations, then it may be very tempting to only look at the negative sides of your relationship. For example, if your partner forgot to text you to say goodnight, you may forget to think about the fact that he or she texts you every morning as soon as they wake up. If your partner is a little moody one evening, you may have forgotten about the romantic meal that they cooked for you the night before. It might help to write a diary, so that you can remember all of the things that have happened that are good – as this can help you to stop focussing only on the negative parts of your relationship.
Also remember that through the Law of Attraction, what we focus on, manifests. So wherever you put your attention, can potentially materialise in your relationship. For example, if your girlfriend is talking to a guy who you perceive as good looking, instead of thinking about how your partner might be attracted to him, think about how she finds you the most attractive guy in the world. The Law of Attraction can be very powerful for overcoming insecurity in relationships, just by shifting focus.
5. Learn more about yourself
If you find that you’re the type of person who always feels insecure in a relationship, you may find that you would benefit from exploring your own personality. This can often be done with a little internet research, but if your issues seem to be more severe, then you might find that it helps to get some counselling from a professional, who would be able to delve into your thoughts and feelings in order to help you understand how you could change the way that you think about your relationship for the better.
“I think what ruins relationships and causes most fights is insecurity.” – Olivia Wilde
There is the perfect partner out there for everyone; so it is well worth trying to overcome your insecurities so that you don’t lose them when they may well have been the ideal person for you. By making the most of the above tips, you should find that it gets much easier to enjoy the time that you spend together without feeling as though you’re not worthy – because you deserve the ideal partner, and these tips will help you to keep hold of them.
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Author: Vex King
I am the founder and owner of the Bon Vita lifestyle brand. I could give myself a title and call myself a lifestyle entrepreneur, personal mentor, writer, designer, innovator, CEO, or anything else I see as fitting. However no title can define me as an individual. I’m just an optimist, a visionary, a philanthropist and jack of many trades. I’m using my positive influence to redefine the creative industries using Good Vibes Only #GVO so that people can fulfil their dreams, purposefully, and enjoy The Good Life #TGL. My daily words of intent are to make people… Think, look & feel GOOD!
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