Most people pretty much understand that you can’t expect to live The Good Life #TGL with bad vibes in it. It just doesn’t make any sense – there’s no bad in good. What people tend to struggle with a lot of the time is the people they’re around – specifically toxic people. Many studies have shown that toxic people cause stress which can have a lasting, damaging impact on the brain. Yet sometimes it’s pretty hard to avoid these types of people. For example, when you’re living at home and your parents are constantly making you feel inferior, it’s difficult to remove yourself, or them, from the equation. Quite frankly, you usually wouldn’t want to either because as much as you dislike their attitude, you know that there’s a great mutually shared love between you. We’ve actually already written a post which discusses dealing with negativity from your loved ones.
People with bad vibes are literally everywhere, and they come into our lives to do more harm than good. They drain our energy and steal our joy. Even if we are vibrating on a high frequency of love and happiness, they can still make themselves present in our lives. A lot of the time, these people aren’t even of importance.
“Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions” – Will Smith
An Example
There’s times when everything seems great and then people with bad vibes show up to cause you bother. Sometimes it can seem very random. Here’s a real example. Our friend was involved in a lot of drama and crime many years ago. For a very long time now, he’s distanced himself from this, as he matured and adopted a positive outlook on life. For most of this time, since his transformation, he has had very few negative people to deal with. He dissociated himself from anyone who he thought would keep him back. As a result, he inspires many people with his positivity and his compassionate attitude towards others. He is a guy that thoroughly practices what he preaches, and he has used a positive attitude to attract great abundance into his life.
He was out in public once and some people had recognised him from the internet, so they went along to meet him and praise him. Suddenly, one of his old acquaintances from half a decade back emerged from nowhere with his own crowd of fans following him. His old acquaintance was actually an upcoming music artist who was proving to be fairly popular amongst teenagers. Our friend and the artist were friends many years ago but went separate ways after a mutual disagreement. The artist was still holding onto the past and still had bitter feelings towards our friend – he found it hard to let go. He was also witnessing my friend receiving lots of admiration; something he didn’t like seeing. Although the artist was getting commended himself, he still decided to turn his attention to our friend. He aired out his thoughts about him in public, in the hope that he would expose him or make him feel embarrassed. This also encouraged the artist’s fans to give him abuse too; to a man that they knew very little about apart from what was said in that moment, simply to support the artist that they were so fond of. We could talk about how wrong it is for the artist to do this and the bad impression it makes on teenagers, but, the fact of the matter is, the artist didn’t like the applause our friend was receiving. Therefore, he tried to make him look bad.
“Don’t waste words on people who deserve your silence. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all.” – Mandy Hale
In the past, our friend would have reacted very badly and probably retaliated. He didn’t do this though. He knew he had changed and this was why people respected him so much. Instead, without saying anything back, he slowly walked away and apologised to those that had come to see him; in that direct moment he displayed his leadership qualities to his fans which gave them extra reasons to respect him. He could have alternatively tried to make peace with the artist, but he felt that there was too much hostility within the artist, along with attachment to ego, to try and make amends in public. He recognised two things here. The first was that he was almost being tested to see if he had really changed. Although my friend was shocked by receiving such negativity after being at peace for many years, he knew that the universe was seeing if he really had grown into the man he believed and claimed to be. It’s so easy for people to say that they’ve changed and talk to others about change, but if deep-down, if there are still negative feelings, then there’s still a long way to go. The truth is always in your feelings, not in what you say. Many times, it’s not in what you do either. Acting isn’t just a legal profession.
The second thing he recognised was resistance. When things are going well, you naturally attract resistance. We’re not saying that you should expect bad things or people to come your way, but you shouldn’t be shocked either. Resistance is a universal force that applies to nearly everything. Think about an aeroplane if you will. When you pick up speed and momentum, you are given more resistance from opposition, such as the wind. As a pilot of the plane, you carry on driving forward, to reach your destination. Therefore resistance is often a good sign, it means you are going somewhere good, and you’re going there fast. Don’t let it stop you or slow you down, by putting your focus on it, whatever it may be!
Tips
You deserve to be at peace within. You don’t want to let anyone or anything affect your thinking or feelings in a negative way, because it will be reflected in your reality. Below we have listed 5 simple ways to deal with toxic people:
1. Communicate with them
Talk to them and explain how they make you feel – remember to be polite, yet honest. Let them know that they are being destructive to your mood and you are suffering as a result. Some people are completely unaware of the negative impact that they have on those around them. Others know it and actually do it on purpose, or get satisfaction from it. These are often the types of people you want to avoid.
You’ll find that sometimes people are the way they are due to their own stresses or difficulties in life. This could even be an illness. This will give you an opportunity to help them, or seek help for them. That’s as long as they are willing to receive it.
Either way, often talking to people and finding out why they behave in the way they do, will give you some clarity in what you need to do. The person must be willing to accept that they behave in an unpleasant way, and they must be willing to change it. If they don’t, you may need to consider our next tip. Be clear though, that it’s not okay for them to treat you like they do and that you will not stand for it. Most of the time, if you’re important to them and they’re mature enough to listen, they will make an effort to change their attitude, or at least get some guidance.
2. Remove them from your life
Easier said than done in most circumstances but nevertheless, very possible! Ask yourself this, if someone literally brings nothing good to the table, then why do you let them have a seat at it? If this person isn’t bringing anything positive to your life, then maybe it’s time to part ways.
“You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance — you don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go.” – Daniel Koepke
This doesn’t have to be physical removal. For example, we’ve found that every now and again we receive abusive messages over the internet. Deleting the messages and then blocking the violators is a great way of removing them out of your sight. It’s almost like they don’t exist. Get familiar with the blocking function on most social media sites. Sometimes you’ll also be able to block email addresses, or at least send all emails from abusers straight to your junk.
3. Take yourself out of the equation
In our example above, our friend couldn’t make his old acquaintance vanish but he could easily walk away. He knew he didn’t want to be around those bad vibes or be sucked into a bad situation. He actually said that he was followed for a few steps after he walked away, by some of the abusers. This didn’t last long though as they got bored after a while and walked off. Removing yourself from any toxic equation not only works great if you can’t remove the people or things in it, but it shows that you respect yourself and your happiness.
“Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable.” – Denis Waitley
We know that if you’re at work for example and a co-worker is being a nuisance, you can’t exactly remove him or yourself from the situation. If you’ve tried to talk to them nicely and even expressed your concerns to your manager, with no positive results, this may prove to be a much more difficult situation to deal with. Distancing yourself as much as possible is the key here. This may be almost impossible if you’re in the same team as them or doing the same tasks as them. It doesn’t mean that you have to be on lunch with them or walk out the building with them though. Reduce the contact time to as little as possible. While this isn’t the most ideal solution, it’s a step in the right direction. You have to be mentally tough. You have to know that you deserve to be happy and no-one or nothing should affect that. Once you begin to acknowledge toxic people, you make them relevant in your life and give them some control. The next two tips are very important if you’re in this position.
4. Focus on the good things
It can prove to be very challenging to block out bad vibes if they’re constantly around you. They’re blatantly there, in our face and cause us a feeling of unease. Yet, if we don’t notice them, then they can’t really affect us. If rejecting toxicity isn’t an option, then try and put your focus on something else. When you divert your attention to something positive, this internally produces positive feelings; you create your own good vibes. And as the Law of Attraction will tell you, this attracts more positive things!
Using your strength to try and ignore the bad vibes, and shift your focus and being into a positive state isn’t the easiest. However, it’s a great way to not only feel better, but to attract positive circumstances and people into your life. If you can do this, things will start to shift in your favour. Have faith!
5. Remember it’s their karma, not yours
Finally, anyone that gives off negative energy is just asking for it to come back to them. This isn’t a myth, it’s a universal law that we like to call karma! They will at some point have to face the consequences of their actions and behaviour. You need to ensure that you also don’t become a victim of bad karma, by stooping down to their level or holding on to negative thoughts. Things always come back, full circle, so try your best to be full of healthy thoughts, love, joy and compassion. No matter how hard it is, it’s all about Good Vibes Only #GVO!
“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” – Wayne W. Dyer
We’d love to know how you cope with toxic people in your life. If you have any valuable tips or experiences to share, please leave them in the comments below.
Author: Vex King
I am the founder and owner of the Bon Vita lifestyle brand. I could give myself a title and call myself a lifestyle entrepreneur, personal mentor, writer, designer, innovator, CEO, or anything else I see as fitting. However no title can define me as an individual. I’m just an optimist, a visionary, a philanthropist and jack of many trades. I’m using my positive influence to redefine the creative industries using Good Vibes Only #GVO so that people can fulfil their dreams, purposefully, and enjoy The Good Life #TGL. My daily words of intent are to make people… Think, look & feel GOOD!
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